This Is the Way....

 I spoke with a girl a few months ago who was talking me through her experience with IVF.  She did IVF several times, and had great success.  However, I chuckled when she couldn’t quite remember all the details from the second in-vitro.  Anyone who knows somebody who has gone through infertility knows that it requires a tremendous amount of dedication and organization.  (I’ll show you my system later) So it makes me smile that while I can tell you every lab value and every test I’ve had, someday, hopefully, all of this will be blur.

Our appointment was long yesterday, primarily because we needed to accomplish several things in one trip. We both had blood taken to test for a million different diseases and infections.  Michael’s were more limited, but they took EIGHT huge vials from me.  Blood draws are no problem for me, but even I was surprised by how much they actually had to take.  Wish I had taken a picture.

I then had a “mock transfer” done.  It is basically designed as a practice run for when they actually place our embryos into my uterus.  Dr. S takes that opportunity to makes sure that there is nothing unusual about my anatomy, and to note take any twists and turns to the right spot because we obviously want to do as little handling and jarring to the embryos as possible. It was relatively simple- just some back cramps afterwards.

The most important part of our visit was the opportunity to meet Lisa, our nurse.  She is an angel.  I literally talk to her like twice a day and she never makes me feel crazy.  She spent over an hour with us yesterday reviewing medications and teaching us how to give shots.  I am still unsure of a lot of that, but we left with great instructions, online resources, and the knowledge that we can call anytime.  Not to mention that I have unprecedented access to a slew of nurses, doctors, and pharmacists at work if I really need them. J Lucky me.

It really started sinking in yesterday, that we are TALKING ABOUT IN-VITRO.  It’s an out of body experience because I just never thought we would have to do this. I prepared my heart many, many months ago that we might need “some help” but I never thought that we would actually end up doing this.  Who really ever thinks at 29 years old that she might never have a baby?  We were literally sitting in Dr. Selah’s office yesterday and I kept thinking that I wasn’t grown up enough to be making all these decisions about my life.  How can we ever be 100% sure that they are the right ones?  And this kind of regret will not be the same as wishing you had gone for the enchiladas instead of a salad for dinner last night.  Hindsight and regret will wash over us, in some form, for the rest of our lives no matter what we decide.  

Isaiah 30:21 Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it."