Appointment Monday

I am currently in Denver, Co for a conference which has been a great distraction from our upcoming doctor's appointment on Monday.  Michael is holding down the fort at home, and I know he is probably glad to be rid of me for a few days.  We have some very specific prayer requests that I will share with you at the end of this post.

I am feeling okay, and in many ways better than I thought I would. I am currently on a steroid and just switched from Lupron to Ganirelex injections this morning. A praise: I finally got to ditch the birth control pill!  Both of those are suppressant medications that should cause my hormones and reproductive system to basically shut down.  I have had headaches, am super hungry in the mornings, and eight hours of sleep is like a distant memory.  But other than that (as for the physical symptoms) I really think it hasn't been too bad.

Emotionally, I noticed that I was beginning to come unglued on Monday night.  I pity the people who have to see me everyday, particularly Michael.  I have cried and cried with no ability to control myself, and then bounced back to normal in a matter of hours.  My ability to reason and calmly think through challenges is beginning to substantially diminish.

I have had to cut myself off of reading other IVF blogs.  I keep hearing all these horror stories and I can't help but compare their situation with mine.  So many things can go wrong before we ever even get to egg retrieval and I just feel helpless.

We have an appointment Monday for a baseline ultrasound and blood work. It should be a normal appointment but there are a few very specific things that I could use prayer for:

1.  NO cysts!  I have had minor cysts on occasion but never anything to worry about.  However, we want my ovaries and uterus to be completely cyst free!  Sometimes cysts can be drained (ouch!) but it can also cause our cycle to be prematurely cancelled.

2.  Antral Follicle Count.  Because of my FSH, I am expected to be a "poor responder" which is a fancy term which basically means it is very difficult to get my ovaries to produce eggs.   While the egg quality is far more important than quantity, the number of eggs is much easier to obsess over! My last ultrasound showed a diminished number of eggs, so I am hoping this month will be better.  The more eggs we grow, the better chance that one of those will develop into a healthy embryo.  If  the medications over supressed my body, I could not have enough eggs to make this cycle worth trying at all and we will be cancelled. 

3.  Normal hormone levels, most specifically low estrogen counts.

4. A safe and pleasant trip to Dallas.  Traveling in a car for three hours when you are stressed and hormonal is a recipe for disaster.  Michael is a saint for taking on the driving responsibility and putting up with my drama.

 I know and believe that God holds the answer to all of these things, yet trusting Him and letting go of control is so hard.  Every morning and night I take handfuls of medications and shots, but in the in between hours I do all the normal every day things that almost trick me into fooling myself about what a big deal all this is.  The truth is that whether this works or not, the next few months are going to be full of defining moments in my life.  It is so easy to miss the point of the "big picture" while I am stressing about my follicle count and comparing medication protocols.

Please continue to pray for us, particularly for an uneventful trip to Dallas on Monday.  I will post a short update here when we get the test results.

Love,
Juli