We had our 5 1/2 week ultrasound today. I am so grateful that the tech was willing to tell us what she was seeing. We saw the gestational sac and yolk sac, and confirmed that it looks like there will only be one sweet baby headed our way sometime in late February or early March.
I think I had an idea of what the ultrasound was going to be like, but I was so nervous and worked up when we got there. I had pictured the serene experience you see in the movies and this wasn’t anything like that. It took a lot of force to get a good picture and I was in so much pain the whole time. I quickly saw that my ovaries are still huge, and the tech seemed surprised and asked me if I was hurting. My fertility doctor’s nurse reassured me that they should hopefully begin to shrink sometime in the next few weeks.
We went into this ultrasound very prepared and expecting twins, and I have mixed feelings now knowing that there is only one. Logically, I know how much safer single pregnancies are. But emotionally, I am still attached to the little guy I spent the last three weeks praying for. And even though I know they are both individuals in their own right, I now feel like all our hope is pinned on this one little baby. He/she looked okay, but was measuring a bit small. The tech reassured me that the computer really couldn’t correctly date the pregnancy at this point, but I am still very nervous.
Hopefully the pregnancy hormones are causing me to be a bit overemotional at the moment. I don't know if it makes any sense, but today really cemented the fragility of this tiny life, and the emotional cost of getting this far. Statistically, the fact that we even got pregnant is miraculous. However, scientifically there was no difference in the two embryos we placed inside me. They were both grade one, perfect embryos. Why did one implant and not the other?
Ultimately, I am so grateful and totally in awe of our one little bean, nestled safely inside me.
Praying he stays there. :)
Love,
Juli
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